So its been another three years since I have blogged about whats going on in my life.
So whats new with me. Umm nothing really because nothing is really going on in my life. I still dont have a man that really loves me for me. Im really assuming that its means a lot to me to have someone in my life that really gives a damn
So my last relationship yea it was a bust. I did so much so fucking much. How stupid am I.. Really how stupid am I .. I let this man run over me. Hell I feel like I still let him run over me. Some of his shit is still here. i do everything ensure that everyone else is taking care of. When will I learn that I cant take care of everybody. Im just at the point where everyone man lies. Once day i will feel that I can be happy but right now I feel down in the dumps all the time. Why me
Oh my friends. If loyalty comes to mind, you should look it up in the dictionary. Im tired of being the one to make sure that we talk. I dont know I see you guys as family, but i really feel like im in a family of one. Granted I know everyone is busy, but damn how hard is it to send a text to check on people. Maybe im just different than everyone else. Just why why why do I feel that none of my friends honestly give a damn about me. Again why me
So apparently my cousin thinks my sister is gay. Which by the way is not true. why do you feel that its ok to talk about a 17 year old that you honestly never talk to. Why do you feel that you are better than everyone else. Last time I check we all tied our shoes the same way. Youre not better than me. Youre not better that anyone. You have issues too. If your life was so pretty, then way are people saying that your man is cheating on you. That sucks. You need to get your shit together. Keep my name, my sisters name and my family name out of your mouth. The fact that your irrelevant in most peoples life should mean something to you. I dont talk about you.. You never come up in conversation..
So when my mom found out all this was going on with my sister, my mom was like there is nothing wrong with my baby. So at this point i feel that my mom thinks that there is something wrong with me. I think my mom hates me. As I continue to think about the words it makes me think of the way that I come across to people.
So I guess in the grant scheme of things I can come across as being negatively. Its not that i mean to be negatively, i guess I will stop thinking out loud during meeting. I have to take this feedback and run with it. I know how to be succesful at my job. I just have to stop saying that to other poeple. I think they are mistaken what I have to negative. I dont want that.
Right now there is so much in my head. I have to figure out how to release some tension. that all I have going on in my head. I really hate being me. I feel that there is nothing coming my way that is good. I set and I think. Beining in my head is not a good things. As you can see this blog proves it.
I just want to be happy.. It starts with me and im tired of faking it.. It sucks sucks a lot.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Sunday, January 16, 2011
3 years later
Wow its been three years, and really nothing has changed for me in life. I meet a lot of guys in the last year, but nothing seems to last. I am at the point now were I think that the issues I have are more. I care to fast, and now I know that I should go with my gut feelings.
The truth is I know when you are lying people. that the best part of me. the worst part is that one, I always want to prove it so I can hold it against you, second I need know when to just quit and let things fall by the waist side. I seems to fall for the most stupid of men. Then I seem to be the one always hurt. Why is that? Maybe Debbie is right, I need to find someone on my level. I seem to drop my standards just because I think your are attractive to me. Their goes my self esteem again.
The last couple of guys that I have dated, why its been a ride of crazy. Mostly led by me and my inpatients. One issues that I have is people think I'm a stalker. I'm not honestly. I just put myself in situation where it seems that way. I could see if I did it on a daily basis and you needed to call the cops on me. Once, I don't think its being a stalker. Maybe I'm wrong, that's their opinion. All I can say is that im sorry for what I did. If you forgive me great. Good for you.. if not then thats ok as well.
Im tired of where i live. I hate it actually. I am so really to leave lafayette, in. My history here has been in my opinion horrible. Love life, social life, friends.. Its just been shitty. I find that no one is able to speak their minds and tell others how they really feel when its nessacary. If you think that trying to spare my feelings is the best then for me then you dont know me very well. Honestly if I have big of an issue with you as a person, I will let you know. Sometimes i like a lot of things eat at me, but when the time is right I will let you know. For me sometimes that is way too late. I need to start listening to myself when i get that first gut feeling.
But back to lafayette. I really hate this place and I want out. I am hoping that tomorrow will bring something much better for me. I have a chance to return home or close to home. I never said that I wouldnt return back to saint louis, but at this point its time. I miss some of my family. I have burned a lot of bridges, by not talking to people. At the same time people have done the same to me. No one wants to admitt when they are wrong, but I am going to be the bigger person.
I miss truly what it is to have friends. I honestly have one that I believe is try, and thats Jim. At time same time I want to have more fun. I miss my college family. I wish that at some point I could relive my college years, I would do more with my life. I would do more with my friends. I would have more parties. I would have most likely gotten drunk more. Now I cant have that time back. Mark and I dont talk much anymore. Ian is married with kids. Brenda has a baby, BAS while honestly I have no clue where they are. Rob is getting married. Brett is gone. I guess its just a time for me to bounce out. I dont think anyone would miss me.
Social, im not ready to date anyone. I have some real changing I have to do. I need to be happy with Kelvin, and im not. I hate my body, and I tend to fall for the guy that does you are so sexy. Um that should be the first red flag for me.
More on what my social life if all about
The truth is I know when you are lying people. that the best part of me. the worst part is that one, I always want to prove it so I can hold it against you, second I need know when to just quit and let things fall by the waist side. I seems to fall for the most stupid of men. Then I seem to be the one always hurt. Why is that? Maybe Debbie is right, I need to find someone on my level. I seem to drop my standards just because I think your are attractive to me. Their goes my self esteem again.
The last couple of guys that I have dated, why its been a ride of crazy. Mostly led by me and my inpatients. One issues that I have is people think I'm a stalker. I'm not honestly. I just put myself in situation where it seems that way. I could see if I did it on a daily basis and you needed to call the cops on me. Once, I don't think its being a stalker. Maybe I'm wrong, that's their opinion. All I can say is that im sorry for what I did. If you forgive me great. Good for you.. if not then thats ok as well.
Im tired of where i live. I hate it actually. I am so really to leave lafayette, in. My history here has been in my opinion horrible. Love life, social life, friends.. Its just been shitty. I find that no one is able to speak their minds and tell others how they really feel when its nessacary. If you think that trying to spare my feelings is the best then for me then you dont know me very well. Honestly if I have big of an issue with you as a person, I will let you know. Sometimes i like a lot of things eat at me, but when the time is right I will let you know. For me sometimes that is way too late. I need to start listening to myself when i get that first gut feeling.
But back to lafayette. I really hate this place and I want out. I am hoping that tomorrow will bring something much better for me. I have a chance to return home or close to home. I never said that I wouldnt return back to saint louis, but at this point its time. I miss some of my family. I have burned a lot of bridges, by not talking to people. At the same time people have done the same to me. No one wants to admitt when they are wrong, but I am going to be the bigger person.
I miss truly what it is to have friends. I honestly have one that I believe is try, and thats Jim. At time same time I want to have more fun. I miss my college family. I wish that at some point I could relive my college years, I would do more with my life. I would do more with my friends. I would have more parties. I would have most likely gotten drunk more. Now I cant have that time back. Mark and I dont talk much anymore. Ian is married with kids. Brenda has a baby, BAS while honestly I have no clue where they are. Rob is getting married. Brett is gone. I guess its just a time for me to bounce out. I dont think anyone would miss me.
Social, im not ready to date anyone. I have some real changing I have to do. I need to be happy with Kelvin, and im not. I hate my body, and I tend to fall for the guy that does you are so sexy. Um that should be the first red flag for me.
More on what my social life if all about
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Whats new
So its about 1045 and to be honest with you im so lonely. This really sucks, but I feel so worthless right now. Im just going to be a baby and say that i want some attention. I want it from someone who means something to me right now. Like Roger, Jason or Davis. I dont need sex.. i just want someone to call me and talk to me.
Lately its been all in my head that people just dislike me. I feel as if I am just very anti social when it comes to certain people. Like my roommate Mark. I feel that I am so distant from him. We are in to totally different places in our lives. I feel as if I am grown and wanting to move forward with my life. At the same time I am not having fun with life. Which is what he does. I feel that people who have too much fun are setting themselves up for failure. I dont feel as if they know that the world is going to do to them. Its going to eat them alive. Sometimes i feel that if mark does not grow up then it will be swallowed whole by the world.
There is so much other stuff that is going on in my life. Jason my first love has come back into my life. I spent most of my night sat hanging around him and trying to aplogize for a lot of the things that happen in our past. At the same time Roger was there and the intention was for me to go see him preform. I have feeling for these men. But at the same time i didnt know who to give my attention to. OH will i wont have either of them so i give talking to them both is just fine.
AWWWWWW.. this doensnt really help me as much as I thought that it would. One day I am giong to unleash my feeling out and oh god.. help me when i do..cause its going to be a great day.
Lately its been all in my head that people just dislike me. I feel as if I am just very anti social when it comes to certain people. Like my roommate Mark. I feel that I am so distant from him. We are in to totally different places in our lives. I feel as if I am grown and wanting to move forward with my life. At the same time I am not having fun with life. Which is what he does. I feel that people who have too much fun are setting themselves up for failure. I dont feel as if they know that the world is going to do to them. Its going to eat them alive. Sometimes i feel that if mark does not grow up then it will be swallowed whole by the world.
There is so much other stuff that is going on in my life. Jason my first love has come back into my life. I spent most of my night sat hanging around him and trying to aplogize for a lot of the things that happen in our past. At the same time Roger was there and the intention was for me to go see him preform. I have feeling for these men. But at the same time i didnt know who to give my attention to. OH will i wont have either of them so i give talking to them both is just fine.
AWWWWWW.. this doensnt really help me as much as I thought that it would. One day I am giong to unleash my feeling out and oh god.. help me when i do..cause its going to be a great day.
Friday, April 18, 2008
BLAH
So its about noon on Friday and I'm just in my own little world. I have to work today, and i get to close.. I actually love to close.. it just shows me whats i have to work on. Lately I have been a little bit depressed. OK more than a little. First off I just want to be done with some people. I pride myself on being a good friend, but there are some people in my life that really just piss me off. I know that I'm not the best at getting together with people. But i try. So my deal is if you say that you are doing to do something then please just do it. Awwww. i just wanted people to be real... cause i hate the fake bitches.
I want someone in my life. I know that people say that you will find someone when you are not looking.. But lets be honest when is a person not looking. In what aspect are we talking about not looking. Not looking for love or what... I bothers me sometimes when people say that because I don't know think that they really understand what is coming out of their mouths. I am looking for sometime more than physical sexual relationships and for some reason i can never seem to find these. The people that i come into contact with, i think are so nice and sweet, and then i start being too nice. I tend to send flowers and shit, but really whats wrong with that. I'M not telling them that i want to have their babies.. I'm just saying hi your cute would you like to hang out. I don't expect anything out of them. AWW.. I am not an asshole by nature. So whats wrong with me.
Personally I'm not really happy with my body..I consider myself basically fat. IS there something i can do about it yes. I could exercise, and i could watch what it is that I went. I could eat better. It really not hard, but I don't have the mind set to do anything but bitch about it. Is that going to solve anything for me, not really. Sometimes i wish i could be more like Jim. even though he talks about himself a lot. he actually has the body that i would like to start to have. I know I'm a little jealous of my friend. I just need to get some self esteem. But how to you do that. I just feel like i am attracted to stupid people. And once i see them i just feel as if i need to do things for them. I feel that i need to look a certain way for me to be with them. I dont think about myself, all i think about is them. Tell me if there is someone out there who doesnt want a nice guy. I really want to find that. But i wont keep my fingers crossed.
I want someone in my life. I know that people say that you will find someone when you are not looking.. But lets be honest when is a person not looking. In what aspect are we talking about not looking. Not looking for love or what... I bothers me sometimes when people say that because I don't know think that they really understand what is coming out of their mouths. I am looking for sometime more than physical sexual relationships and for some reason i can never seem to find these. The people that i come into contact with, i think are so nice and sweet, and then i start being too nice. I tend to send flowers and shit, but really whats wrong with that. I'M not telling them that i want to have their babies.. I'm just saying hi your cute would you like to hang out. I don't expect anything out of them. AWW.. I am not an asshole by nature. So whats wrong with me.
Personally I'm not really happy with my body..I consider myself basically fat. IS there something i can do about it yes. I could exercise, and i could watch what it is that I went. I could eat better. It really not hard, but I don't have the mind set to do anything but bitch about it. Is that going to solve anything for me, not really. Sometimes i wish i could be more like Jim. even though he talks about himself a lot. he actually has the body that i would like to start to have. I know I'm a little jealous of my friend. I just need to get some self esteem. But how to you do that. I just feel like i am attracted to stupid people. And once i see them i just feel as if i need to do things for them. I feel that i need to look a certain way for me to be with them. I dont think about myself, all i think about is them. Tell me if there is someone out there who doesnt want a nice guy. I really want to find that. But i wont keep my fingers crossed.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
What to do
Again its been a long time since i have talked on this thing. So much has happen and not happen in my life that i have my good days and I have my bad days. I finally have the job that i want. I love getting up everyday and going to work. i don't think the fact that i feel as if i can afford more things now and I just go out and spend spend spend. Its not that type of party, or a least it shouldn't be. At the same time work in great, but i feel as if i not doing very much at my job. I want to do more but i know that i have to wait for a bit because i don't really even know all of my job now. I have issues, and i just need again to be patient. But the point still remains that i love my job.
I did recently buy a new car. I know drive a 08 Dodge Avenger. I love my car as well. But you know how it feels when you get a new car how you want to show it off to everyone.. that was not the case with me. Their where certain people that i wanted to see it. but still its not that big of a deal its a car, and I'm happy with it people will see it as i talk to them if i do talk to them.
I recently found out that a friend of mind is having medical problems. This really hurts me. I have three very special people in my life who are dealing with this same medical problem is very different forms. It hurts because I don't know what i can do for them. I really wish i could just take it away from them. None of them are having to deal with the problem on a very serious note.. but still it hurts when friends young friends have to deal with problems so young within there lives. Its something that i think about a lot. I wish you guys all the best with your health.
I really cant wait to live alone. Does that sounds harsh,maybe but its true. I just want to live alone. I want to be able to come home and know that I'm the only one that is going to be in my apt, unless i invite you over there. I want to be able to come home and realize that if i made dirty dishes then i am the one that has to clean them up. If I have company over then I will clean up after my company and not have to worry about it. I love my roommate to death, but i just don't want to have one anymore. i am over it. You are like a brother to me, but you are just nasty and lazy. You just want to you to learn what it is like to have to clean up after someone, and realize that you are doing it more and more each day. AWWWW ... i just want to scream at you sometime because you know what you are doing. And it just pisses me off that you do this. What is your problem, why is so bad to clean your house. I don't care about your pvt areas, but the common areas should stay clean. Not just when you girlfriend decides to stop bye. this is just a sad story.. and I'm done i just want it to be over.. is July here yet.
So i have been going out lately and I'm notice that I'm not very attractive. I just really want someone to try and get to know me. I just want someone to say hi to me and mean it. Roger has come back around full force and i have to say that I'm not over him. I have been saying this to myself for the longest time. The man just does things to me. I really like him, but is he the only for me. I didn't see him for about a month and i mean no phone no in person contact. I went to the bar one night and he was there and I stepped in to the room where he was and he was coming over to hug me and say hi to me and ask me how i have been doing. My reaction that this is that he is being very fake. Why are you interesting in how I'm doing now. You have not tried to contact me at all. But me being myself I start talking to him, and he tells me that I'm one of the nicest guy that he has every met. He explained that he has been a dick to me and he was sorry for that. OK does that mean that you are going to call me. What does that mean. Then you come around me a lot during the night.. there are only so many times that you need to go door and look out of it. Oh wait then don't tell me that you promise to do something with me and then dint do it.. I'M OVER IT... why is this so hard. DO you fucking like me or not. Oh wait then i see you at talbott street this past weekend and its the same time. You touch me when you past me, then you tell me that you watched a concert that we where suppose to watch together alone. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... WTF... this is what i don't like about people. I told you before you said it that you should watch the concert alone, but no you wanted to watch it with me. No there is another one that we are suppose to watch.. you promise... OH BULL SHIT. i will believe it when i see it.. Am I mad... hell yes I'm mad... and I'm mad because i fucking like you are lot. FOR some reason.. i am feeling that you are one of the best guys that i have met in a long time. But you seriously seems as if you don't want to give me the time day. But still I'm a great guy... IM OVER IT.. i don't know what I'm going to do about this but I'm over it.
So do i sound very bitter, yes I am. Believe me i am because my heart hurts really bad. How do you show someone that you like them without being a stalker. THat is just one route that I would never go down. I feel that i am a great guy, and im just wnat someone to just take the time to get to know me. Im a really nice person so i have been told. But i want this guy and I want him a lot. I just would like to find out why he doesnt want me. AHHHHHHHHHHHH... i want to cry so bad.. but its just not comign out.
I did recently buy a new car. I know drive a 08 Dodge Avenger. I love my car as well. But you know how it feels when you get a new car how you want to show it off to everyone.. that was not the case with me. Their where certain people that i wanted to see it. but still its not that big of a deal its a car, and I'm happy with it people will see it as i talk to them if i do talk to them.
I recently found out that a friend of mind is having medical problems. This really hurts me. I have three very special people in my life who are dealing with this same medical problem is very different forms. It hurts because I don't know what i can do for them. I really wish i could just take it away from them. None of them are having to deal with the problem on a very serious note.. but still it hurts when friends young friends have to deal with problems so young within there lives. Its something that i think about a lot. I wish you guys all the best with your health.
I really cant wait to live alone. Does that sounds harsh,maybe but its true. I just want to live alone. I want to be able to come home and know that I'm the only one that is going to be in my apt, unless i invite you over there. I want to be able to come home and realize that if i made dirty dishes then i am the one that has to clean them up. If I have company over then I will clean up after my company and not have to worry about it. I love my roommate to death, but i just don't want to have one anymore. i am over it. You are like a brother to me, but you are just nasty and lazy. You just want to you to learn what it is like to have to clean up after someone, and realize that you are doing it more and more each day. AWWWW ... i just want to scream at you sometime because you know what you are doing. And it just pisses me off that you do this. What is your problem, why is so bad to clean your house. I don't care about your pvt areas, but the common areas should stay clean. Not just when you girlfriend decides to stop bye. this is just a sad story.. and I'm done i just want it to be over.. is July here yet.
So i have been going out lately and I'm notice that I'm not very attractive. I just really want someone to try and get to know me. I just want someone to say hi to me and mean it. Roger has come back around full force and i have to say that I'm not over him. I have been saying this to myself for the longest time. The man just does things to me. I really like him, but is he the only for me. I didn't see him for about a month and i mean no phone no in person contact. I went to the bar one night and he was there and I stepped in to the room where he was and he was coming over to hug me and say hi to me and ask me how i have been doing. My reaction that this is that he is being very fake. Why are you interesting in how I'm doing now. You have not tried to contact me at all. But me being myself I start talking to him, and he tells me that I'm one of the nicest guy that he has every met. He explained that he has been a dick to me and he was sorry for that. OK does that mean that you are going to call me. What does that mean. Then you come around me a lot during the night.. there are only so many times that you need to go door and look out of it. Oh wait then don't tell me that you promise to do something with me and then dint do it.. I'M OVER IT... why is this so hard. DO you fucking like me or not. Oh wait then i see you at talbott street this past weekend and its the same time. You touch me when you past me, then you tell me that you watched a concert that we where suppose to watch together alone. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... WTF... this is what i don't like about people. I told you before you said it that you should watch the concert alone, but no you wanted to watch it with me. No there is another one that we are suppose to watch.. you promise... OH BULL SHIT. i will believe it when i see it.. Am I mad... hell yes I'm mad... and I'm mad because i fucking like you are lot. FOR some reason.. i am feeling that you are one of the best guys that i have met in a long time. But you seriously seems as if you don't want to give me the time day. But still I'm a great guy... IM OVER IT.. i don't know what I'm going to do about this but I'm over it.
So do i sound very bitter, yes I am. Believe me i am because my heart hurts really bad. How do you show someone that you like them without being a stalker. THat is just one route that I would never go down. I feel that i am a great guy, and im just wnat someone to just take the time to get to know me. Im a really nice person so i have been told. But i want this guy and I want him a lot. I just would like to find out why he doesnt want me. AHHHHHHHHHHHH... i want to cry so bad.. but its just not comign out.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Whats new
There is a lot going on in my life at this moment. not really.. but hey i like to think that my life is actually worth something. I am finally back in Lafayette, and I cant tell you how happy I am, because I am not spending lot of money on gas trying to get back and forth to Indy. At the same time i really miss Indy. I actually made some great friends while I was down there. Tommy and Connie two of my former co workers are some of the greatest people that i have ever met. I have to say that spending my last day at the store with them was the best time ever. Remember its always the quiet ones that you have to look out for. They are some of the greatest people that i have met in a while.
So I am know in the Lafayette store. I am so excited I like the team that I am working with, but I'm so afraid to be around them at this point. For the most part they have all been there for a while. So sometimes you don't want to be the new kid on the block but I am and I guess I will fit in well. Its very different being in this store. Even though I can see that its a team effort in this store.. I'm really else to doing things but now i have team that does most of it for. With that being said I am able to focus on some developmental tools for them and be more global in the store. Its going to be a focus but hey I'm going to get my routines down and make sure that I go far in this company.. there are going to be some hard day.. but I'm more than willing to accept that. Look out Target because here comes Kelvin.
Socially.. I have my days when i enjoy being single and other when i could just shoot people. I trying to me more social.. but my schedule is just nuts, and i dint want my friends to be waiting on my to do anything, because its never guarantee by me that will have the time a lot.
Roger and I are not really talking right now. If anyone knows the reason why please let me know cause i have no clue. I thought i was being nice to him, but maybe I did something he didn't like. If so then i wish he would just tell me. But I just have to say that I'm over it. Drama is really against my religion right now. It just takes to much energy to deal with it. So i need to learn how to be happy and single. i need to lose some weight which is truly a goal of my right now. Again goal is to find a church to go to. my mother had told me time and time again that i need to go to church and I am starting to truly believe that she is right. I'm thinking about calling my friend Marsha and going to church with her. I really need it.
Until the next time i write
So I am know in the Lafayette store. I am so excited I like the team that I am working with, but I'm so afraid to be around them at this point. For the most part they have all been there for a while. So sometimes you don't want to be the new kid on the block but I am and I guess I will fit in well. Its very different being in this store. Even though I can see that its a team effort in this store.. I'm really else to doing things but now i have team that does most of it for. With that being said I am able to focus on some developmental tools for them and be more global in the store. Its going to be a focus but hey I'm going to get my routines down and make sure that I go far in this company.. there are going to be some hard day.. but I'm more than willing to accept that. Look out Target because here comes Kelvin.
Socially.. I have my days when i enjoy being single and other when i could just shoot people. I trying to me more social.. but my schedule is just nuts, and i dint want my friends to be waiting on my to do anything, because its never guarantee by me that will have the time a lot.
Roger and I are not really talking right now. If anyone knows the reason why please let me know cause i have no clue. I thought i was being nice to him, but maybe I did something he didn't like. If so then i wish he would just tell me. But I just have to say that I'm over it. Drama is really against my religion right now. It just takes to much energy to deal with it. So i need to learn how to be happy and single. i need to lose some weight which is truly a goal of my right now. Again goal is to find a church to go to. my mother had told me time and time again that i need to go to church and I am starting to truly believe that she is right. I'm thinking about calling my friend Marsha and going to church with her. I really need it.
Until the next time i write
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Time to vent
A time to vent is very near for me. I am just tired of life right now. I bet people notice the way I can be very happy and hi on life at one point and just down in the dumps the next.
I just realize that i have like 112 numbers in my phone and it never rings. whats up with that. The people i really want to talk to I just don't call and when it does ring I tend to rush people off the phone because I don't want to talk to them. Does anyone else see a problem with what is going on in my life. I tend to say the things that i really don't like, but then when they do happen.. i don't want to be bothered.
I am such a complicated person, i don't know if must people who are friends with me realize that I am a very complicated soul. I tend to want a lot of things, but when i get them I sometimes push them away. To be honest i have a very rich life. I have a mother who really loves me, I have friends who care very deeply for me, I have a roommate who would do anything for me, but i feel like i take all of them for granted. There are somethings that i just need to work on, and soon because i feel like I could lose a lot of the great things in my life.
Socially, i have gained a lot of friends from the local bar. Brad and Jesse are the coolest couple that i have known in a while. I feel like I can talk to him about anything. Jim is great.. we are on a great conversational level. I know he is going to be around for a while. .. And everyone knows about Bobby, he is the best. i just spend time with him and he new love interest last night.. I just want what is best for my him.. i hope he knows that.
As for as the Roger goes.. the times get more and more interesting. Friday night i saw him and i have to say that i enjoy spending time with him. This man does things to my heart and sometimes I just want to kick his ass because he does great things to my heart. So Roger you think I'm an awesome guys, and i think this past weekend you proved that to me. The way you looked at me before you left Friday basically left chills up my spin. Even my friend Jim agreed that there may be some chemistry between the two of us. So i guess we will have to see what happens when two scared shy people try to hang out more with each other.
Posting this helps a little but i just want to scream and maybe i will feel better. Maybe I will just take a nap..yea i will just take a nap.. more to come later
I just realize that i have like 112 numbers in my phone and it never rings. whats up with that. The people i really want to talk to I just don't call and when it does ring I tend to rush people off the phone because I don't want to talk to them. Does anyone else see a problem with what is going on in my life. I tend to say the things that i really don't like, but then when they do happen.. i don't want to be bothered.
I am such a complicated person, i don't know if must people who are friends with me realize that I am a very complicated soul. I tend to want a lot of things, but when i get them I sometimes push them away. To be honest i have a very rich life. I have a mother who really loves me, I have friends who care very deeply for me, I have a roommate who would do anything for me, but i feel like i take all of them for granted. There are somethings that i just need to work on, and soon because i feel like I could lose a lot of the great things in my life.
Socially, i have gained a lot of friends from the local bar. Brad and Jesse are the coolest couple that i have known in a while. I feel like I can talk to him about anything. Jim is great.. we are on a great conversational level. I know he is going to be around for a while. .. And everyone knows about Bobby, he is the best. i just spend time with him and he new love interest last night.. I just want what is best for my him.. i hope he knows that.
As for as the Roger goes.. the times get more and more interesting. Friday night i saw him and i have to say that i enjoy spending time with him. This man does things to my heart and sometimes I just want to kick his ass because he does great things to my heart. So Roger you think I'm an awesome guys, and i think this past weekend you proved that to me. The way you looked at me before you left Friday basically left chills up my spin. Even my friend Jim agreed that there may be some chemistry between the two of us. So i guess we will have to see what happens when two scared shy people try to hang out more with each other.
Posting this helps a little but i just want to scream and maybe i will feel better. Maybe I will just take a nap..yea i will just take a nap.. more to come later
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)