Merry Christmas

So i hope that everyone is having a merry Christmas. This is the second year that i have spent this Holiday alone. Please forgive me this is not a bitch session, but hey its how it feels. Although its not my choice to be alone its just the way the cards fall. I would love to have my mother and sister here in Lafayette, with me. To be honest i just left home and i want them to move closer to me. Even though i haven't talked with my mom about certain things in my life, i still need her and i want her closer to me. Its one of the things that would have made this day just perfect.. There are very few people in this world who can make me smile, but my mother has always been one of them.

At the same time I miss bobby...I haven't seen him in a week and its been hard. Talking to him on the phone is not that same at all. Its nice to have someone who you can talk to about anything and know that he is not going to judge you on how you feel. I know he is going to be in my life for a while... love him too much as my friend to let him go.

I miss Ryan too.... WTF man why do you have to live in Texas. Recently we have been talking a lot more. Its weird because when he was a student here..we never really talked and he didn't call me at all. But now I talk to him around once a week. its great he truly makes me laugh, and love life really.. Just like Bobby he is someone i can talk to about anything and not be judge. If i could just get these two in the same state life for me would so much better. I know that sounds selfish but guess what i don't care anymore...lol

SHOUT out to TINA... i love you to death sweetie. This girls is the best ever.. I am so lucky to have her as a part of my life. I know she will always be there for me.

Cant end with out talking about the mystery man.. Although to all that are important his name is not a mystery anymore. Right now we are playing phone tag, and its merry christmas and its time to send with your family so i have not bothered to say anything to him today. My heart is starting to speak loudly to me and its all good things. but i have some issues with trust that I must deal with. There is someone else in my life who has made me not trust people in my life and since he is man, i have some how made to way to distrust all men. Believe me I'm trying hard very hard to trust this guy, and its going to take time and i know he is feeling the same way since he has expressed his issues with trust to me before. i don't know what is going to happen, but i feel that its all going to be good.

i guess i will just have to take life one day at a time, which is not they way I operate. . I take life two to four days a time. So this is very hard for me. because i want to rush and rush... i don't know if i have death wish or not.. but why am i trying to wish through my life. I don't want to get too old too soon. I just graduated from college and I'm excited. but I know that is missing finally and I'm hopefully going to find what i have been looking for in my life for a love time. Someone that cares for me, and will expect me for the person that i am...

Merry Christmas

Its been a long time

So wow its been a long time. Bobby has been messing with me because i have been posting songs and no real words about what is going on in my life.

So first thing is that I have finally graduated. I am so happy about that. Its been a long time for me because i have really had tough times in with school. Going thru money problems, and trying to find myself it was hard. But at least I have graduated. I had a lot of family there with me. My mother and father (of course) my sister, two aunts from my dad side and two aunts from my mothers side. It was a fun time. According to every one they ceremony was wonderful. IT was very quick and to the point. not very many people talking and it was really nice.

So now I'm home in St.Louis. I have been here since Tuesday, and I'm planning to leave on Sunday(but there are grantees about anything) I have been going around to see family and talk and see whats new. But at the same time i miss Lafayette, I know its been just a few days.. but really my life is not here. its not that I don't want to share my life with my family but hey I have been gone for the past 11 years, and life for me is just different.

I really miss Bobby... i don't know how I'm going to do this shit if i have to move. Hell you would think that we are an old married couple.. but we are just the best of friends who enjoy each others company. I feel that i could tell him again thing and not be judged. I called him today and he was sleep... but i guess we will make up time when i get back.

I talked to my friend last Sunday... Wow may i say that it was the longest conversation that we have had ever. Even though i texts him first.. he actually called me. How surprising. We are still in that getting to know you phase, may i say that this is the longest on that i have been in, and its really nice. Turns out that we have even more in common which is a good thing. IT was no nice to talk to him. Even though I have been gone, i haven't talked to him until today.. (well not talk but text) but still. I have thought about him a lot while i was here but I have been able to resist the temptation to call or text him. I told him when we talked that i needed to back up a little bit becuase when it comes to my social life, I have to think with my heart and not my head. Thinking with my head gets my in trouble, i think that i need to rush into everything. My heart really tells me that im doing the right thing but taking time to get to know him and see what he is all about. I also have to understand that he is not a phone person and he acutally told me that i will heard that about him, which im trying but it hard. As is life.

There is more to come but im just lazy to type and i want to be in my own place to finish this

Tell Him - Celine Dion

I'm scared
So afraid to show I care
Will he think me weak
If I tremble when I speak
Oooh - what if
There's another one he's thinking of
Maybe he's in love
I'd feel like a fool
Life can be so cruel
I don't know what to do


I've been there
With my heart out in my hand
But what you must understand
You can't let the chance
To love him pass you by

Should I

Tell him
Tell him that the sun and moon
Rise in his eyes
Reach out to him
And whisper
Tender words so soft and sweet
Hold him close to feel his heart beat
Love will be the gift you give yourself


Touch him
With the gentleness you feel inside
Your love can't be denied
The truth will set you free
You'll have what's mean to be
All in time you'll see


I love him
Of that much I can be sure
I don't think I could endure
If I let him walk away
When I have so much to say

I'll

Love is light that surely glows
In the hearts of those who know
It's a steady flame that grows
Feed the fire with all the passion you can show
Tonight love will assume its place
This memory time cannot erase
Blind faith will lead love where it has to go

Never let him go

Cancer vs. Pisces

For some reason I really think this is true...at least some of it.. (we will see)

4. CANCER - The Cutie
(the Crab - 22 June - 22 July)
* Most AMAZING kisser...Very high appeal.
* Love is one of a kind.
* Very romantic.
* Most caring person you will ever meet!
* Very creative.
* Outgoing.
* Extreamly random and proud of it.
* Freak.
* Loves being in long relationships.
* Spontaneous.
* Great at telling stories.
* Not a fighter, but will knock your lights out if it comes down to it.
* Someone you should hold on to.

12. PISCES - The Partner for Life

(the Fish - 19 February - 20 March)
* Caring and kind.
* Smart.
* Center of attention.
* High appeal (aka dead sexy)
* Has the last word.
* Good to find, hard to keep.
* Fun to be around.
* Extremely weird but in a good way.
* Good Sense of Humor!!!
* Thoughtful.
* Awesome lover.
* Loves to joke.
* Very popular.
* Silly, fun and sweet

Pisces & Cancer

A love match between a Cancer and a Pisces is a positive meeting of spirits. Both signs are basically tolerant and sympathetic, and Pisces is easily energized by Cancer's ideas. A Pisces mate can open a Cancer's eyes to the world of creativity and spirituality. In turn, Cancer's practicality can be a guide, leading Pisces to the fruition of their dreamy, utopian ideas. This celestial pairing benefits from an amazingly strong and multifaceted emotional bond.

Cancer loves material goods, they admire and they appreciate. Cancer desires comfort and a rich home, and at times might not understand the simplistic, minimalist lifestyle of their Pisces mate. Though they may work toward different goals of acquisition and lifestyle, the shared emotional depth of Cancer and Pisces can make theirs a very rewarding relationship.

The Moon (Emotion) rules Cancer, and Jupiter (Philosophy) and Neptune (Illusion and Dreams) rules Pisces. When the Moon and Neptune come together, a beautiful spiritual connection is made. Both of these celestial bodies vibrate with warm, feminine energy. Together, they create an idealistic, almost divine relationship, one that puts much significance on dreams and illusions. Jupiter also rules Pisces. This Planet of Good Fortune adds a masculine energy to this planetary combination, representing philosophy, expansion and excesses. The nature of this combination offers a utopian relationship: It is drenched in emotional intrigue and is a true celestial bond. Emotion, depth, warmth, expansion -- it all sounds too good to be true, doesn't it. Though they both ask a lot of their love relationships, Cancer must be careful not to cramp the floating Fish, as Pisces will suffocate under too many demands.

Cancer and Pisces are both Water Signs. Since Water is a tangible, physical entity, Cancer and Pisces are generally very compatible. Pisces are in this world to create human connections, and when they come together with Cancerian intuition and nurturing, there is no stronger bond. So that this union does not wash out in a stream of romantic idealism, Cancer's stable view of life holds them afloat. And it's not a case of Cancer putting up with a dreamy Pisces mate: Cancer really understands emotional ambiguity and can help Pisces stabilize their ephemeral nature. Though Cancer could grow weary of their Pisces mate's faraway nature, and though Pisces could be bothered by Cancer's self-centeredness, it's easy for this pair to find a compromise.

Cancer is a Cardinal Sign, and Pisces is a Mutable Sign. Though intuitive, in love, as in life, Cancer likes to get things moving with a good idea and a solid plan, and they'll write it all down to keep track. Pisces, on the other hand, is more about going on instinct; they'd lose that plan as soon as Cancer handed it to them! Cancer needs to give Pisces the freedom to enjoy their external interests and to occasionally follow a whim undeterred. Pisces can show Cancer that completion is sometimes better than initiation, and that compromise without struggle can pay off. Cancer and Pisces feed off of each other's energy well, and should be completely compatible in romance.

What's the best thing about the Cancer-Pisces love match? Their similar emotional natures. Both have a great capacity for emotion and compassion, and both can act as teacher AND student. They complement and harmonize with one another very well. The overall empathy and commitment that these two Signs value in a relationship is what will keep the ties strong and long lasting between the Crab and the Fish.

Monica - What my heart says

"What My Heart Says"

La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la

So let them say its wrong
For me to love you
They could never feel
The way that I do when we kiss
When we're close like this

They can't see inside my soul
They can't know the love we know
All they do is waste their time
They can never change my mind

It's what my heart says
That is what I listen to
It's what my heart feels
That tells me, tells me what to do
It's what my heart knows
That's the only, the only truth I know is real
All I hear is what my heart says to me

La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la
What my heart says

Let them say that I'm a fool
To fall so deeply
Cause they will never ever be
Loved so completely
How can they even talk that way?

They can't see it through my eyes
They can't feel this love inside
All their words don't mean a thing
They can't change the way I feel, no, no

It's what my heart says
That is what I listen to
It's what my heart feels
That tells me, tells me what to do
It's what my heart knows
That's the only, the only truth I know is real
All I hear is what my heart says to me

And I have never felt so sure about anything
See you are the one, the one that I need
It doesn't matter what they think
Or what they say
I'm loving you anyway, oh
All I know is what I hear

It's what my heart says
That is what I listen to
It's what my heart feels
That tells me, tells me what to do
It's what my heart knows
That's the only, the only truth I know is real
All I hear is what my heart says to me

La, la, la, la, la
What my heart says
Oh, what my heart says

Mixed Emotions - The answer

OK... so i had not chose but to ask this guy about all the shit that was told to me the other night. Once i talked to him he explained that the issue was not true. I feel really bad that i had to bring that shit up because I feel like I'm starting shit with people. He explain that the friend does like him but the feelings are not returned. Which is school with me. I just need to slow down and regroup. This is not my man, but still we are trying to get to know one another and i don't need people to be starting shit. when i tried to say I'm sorry about bringing it OK he told me that i don't have to say I'm sorry for explaining how i feel, which i think that he was OK with the fact that I'm upfront. its a small time and I don't need to have this shit, i mean if the friend likes him then cool, but again i should have never known that. I know that I'm a good guy, and I'm looking for a good guy to hang out with and I may have found him, but i cant continue with all the drama, and i know he agrees. So what to do... i think that I'm just going to again slow my role I'm going to hang out but I'm not going to deal with the drama. I'm fucking scared enough.. and i don't need people to do that to me.
Later on that night i was just looking at him and i think he i was cute and has the greatest personality. Looking at that way he was reacting with this girl I'm not really sure how much of a reliable source she is. So again here is my thing...talking about him period unless it bobby is just off limits know..I'm just tired of the fucking drama...I also introduced him to a couple of my friends and they liked him...but still i don't know... my heart means a lot to me right now and I'm not really ready to give to him to handle..no matter how much I like him the time just has to be right for the both of us.


Davis.... I'm was so happy to see you...that was a great surprise even though we both suck at pool. I was really happy that you took the time to come see me. You are great..come back soon

Mixed Emotions

So I would first like to say that I enjoyed seeing you bobby last night... It was great we haven't had that much fun in a while. We need to do it more often. Tyler is just crazy and its great being around him as well.
But this is really not about how much fun I had last night. Right now i am letting something stress me out that may or may not have anything to do with my getting to know a guy. So last night i was talking to an old friend who basically told me that the guy that I am interested in and his friend really like each other but they don't talk about it. So explain to my how I am suppose to take that. So first let me just say that this guy is not my boyfriend and we are not dating we are still getting to know each other, but i do like him one as a person and possible as something more. But for this girl to tell me that shit last night hurt really bad. If we didn't want to know each other better for something possible in the future, then I do not think that I would know some of the things about him that i do. So OK you claim that they are like your brothers and you know them very well...then why was it that they last time you told me something it turned out to be false. What the fuck is your problem? Granted we have known each other for a while, but please don't lie to me. Furthermore if that was true why would you tell me that anyway. Why wouldn't you let him tell me that. It would be so much easier because it came from a reliable source, which is not what i think you are at this point. When i really think about it I have no reason none at all to doubt him, because in real life he has nothing to gain from me. If anything happen it will come in time. Also forgive me for taken the man flowers, I think the quote went i just wouldn't have taken them myself. Well i know that it was kinda embarrassing, which it have been to me if he had come to my job, but hey there was a reason for that. The flipping card said "just because" not I'm in love you and want to have your babies. Not i want to spend the rest of my life with you... Just because. something simply...just to put a smile on your face. HARMLESS... PEOPLE HARMLESS..One day I'm going to learn that people are jealous and sometimes they say things that really have no merit. I know that they like each other but as friend which came from his mouth and right now that is what i am going to believe. If it turns out different then you know it will come from this mouth..NOT yours. So please do me a favor...stay the fuck out of it. I know you guys are friends, but this is between him and myself..SO no more talking to me about him.. because I just may hurt your feelings and I now you don't want that. DRAMA... I can not stand it and to me I think that is what you are trying to do... and im not going to go for that shit.

MORE to come

Would I ever

Would I ever have a roommate again. I really don't believe that I would. Don't get my wrong I enjoy my current roommate, but I'm just tired of living with other people. You know how you just want to come home and it be quiet and you can watch a movie and stuff, that is what i want. Lately all i have really had on my mind was my future, wheter it be socially or professionally. I really does not include a roommate. It include friends, don't get my wrong people can come over and hang out and stuff spend the night, but that's all. I like my space all of my space. Wow... i just want a stress free life at this point. I really don't want to deal with my parents and their BS and I don't want o have to deal with people are lazy in my eyes. I want a man who will stand by my side and be with me through the good times and the bad. I don't want drama in my life, I'm really tired of people getting upset with me if I cant do what it is that they want at that time. At the same time i really should follow my own advice, because i tend to think that people don't like me if they don't answer in a timely manner. When i speak of a timely manner, i mean Kelvin time. and in Kelvin time you are suppose to answer me as soon as you get something from me. You know that doesn't actually work in the real world. Damn i hate that.

today i cant shake thinking about him...AAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW... why what does that mean. I just want to see him and talk to him, but I'm to flipping scared to make moves like that for fear of being declined. I know I'm a chicken shit. Even though I gave him flowers yesterday, I don't want to be the one to make ever move. But seeing as how he just got out of a relationship, so really can you expect a person to make plays for you when they are not truly healed from their past. My patience is very much being tested. So far i think that I'm passing because i haven't done most of the things that I would usually do like call, which is the wrong thing that I do... go figure again I'm a chicken shit. Oh well i guess it will continue to being tested becuase i just cant cant give up on something that i want really badly.. Today i really felt like crying becuase i just want to call him and say hi. But i dont want to be thought of as a stalker.

OH GOD its time to get going to work.... more to come

My thoughts

"Life is too short for drama and petty problems...so kiss slowly, love truly, and forgive quickly. Take chances, give everything, and have no regrets." You know someone gave me this quote about two years ago. Let me tell you just how truth this is. In my life i have never really taken any chances when it come to my social life or personal life. I have always taken risk when it comes to business because I have always thought of myself as the hardcore profession. Reason for that were because I love to compete in the business world. My saying is "I'm good at what i do" which i believe that I am. In business that is the only place i know that I am safe and secure.
But now there is another risk that I am taking. For those of you who actually read this a lot, as you know there is a gentleman that have gained my attention. I have never really said his name other than he is a good friend (at this point), but I truly do have interest in this man. So on Saturday we talked and I mean we talked a lot. I felt that even though he doesn't know me that well, i wanted to give him one of my graduation announcement for the basic reason that he told me that he was very proud of me, and he seemed interest in what I was graduating in. Really this means more to me than anything. If you take your time to get to know what I'm doing with out being asked you gain lots of points with me. Any who we talked and it was great. I mean he walked away a couple of times to talk to his other friends but he returned. He even bought me a drink with out me asking. Things like that make me very happy because if someone is doing something just from there heart, i cant tell you how sexy that is to me. The things we talked about will remain private (unless you are bobby(my best friend), but i have to say that i was very happy with the things i learned about him, and remembered from previous times talking to him. It was great. So I told him that I would be sending him something on that coming Monday. He had no clue what it was but there was this face on his face that just lighted up the room. If you ever come across this blog, i remember you telling me that you like the simply things in life, like asking you how your day is, but I'm a simply guy myself and i like to give things just because, and i know it will make them happy. So i went to the flower shop yesterday and I bought him two doz white/pink roses, because he loves roses(ha... i remembered that) and then there where two full pink rose there as well. The plan was for me to have the shop deliver the flowers, but that was just not the case. It charges where just too much for me to want to pay. he he. Which meant that i have to get up the nerve to deliver them myself. To do that i had to call bobby and just hear him say that you can do it and then i knew that it was cool. Once i got there I didn't expect him to be sitting at the front but there he was. Once he looked at me all he saw was this thing in my arm that was wrapped in purple. All i heard was oh my god, when I took of the wrapping. Apparently he has never gotten flowers from someone before. What is with people. Don't you know that flowers make people day. He also said that he didn't know what to say, but all he had to say was thank you, which he did. That was a big risk for me. I really hoped that i didn't embarrass him, because truly I was not the one that was supposed to deliver the flowers. But hey i guess this is what you have to do to get things done.

I will say again what we are still in the get to know you phase, and im enjoying that. Dont get my wrong, on saturday it took every part of me not to kiss him, becuase i wanted to so bad, but its just now that right time yet. I feel that he has one of the biggest hearts and the sexiest smile. You know how to kinda go dumb when that person walks into the room, yea thats me. But oh well..

More to come.......

Just on a side note... Bobby you are my boy and i love you do death, I am so blessed to have you in my life.

Whats going on

Today has been so different. I body is so different about everything. My mind is just not where it needs to be. I was just having dinner with a couple of friends and I felt as if i was so distance from them. I think i was apart of the conversation but I felt as if I just wanted to be alone. I get this way sometimes when i have about 10 things going on in my head and I'm trying to process them all out at once. Does that really work realistically. I don't think so. I have graduation on my mind (I am so scared about graduation, one because i have always thought that I was ready to be totally on my on, but really am I. I don't want to leave my friends because for the ones that are close I'm afraid that they wont come see me or call me if and once I leave. I just really scares me.) I really tired of working right now. i really feel that my body is trying to tell me that its done and it needs a lot of rest. I don't feel sick or anything but you know how to feel sluggish and all you just want to do is lay there. That is really how I feel.. I just want to lay there. Third, I'm not confused about the guy anymore. which is a good thing, but i feel like i want things to move faster. That is what my head wants to happen, but my heart wants to take the time and learn more about this person. I'm really scared to tell him that I'm about to graduate and possibly leave this town because I don't want him to stop whatever is possible whether it be friends or more than friends. AWWW what to do what to do because i really want to just find him and tell him that i think about him a lot, but i really don't know him that well. So in real life it sounds like i am after him for sex because that is what people do when they want sex, you say what you think they want to hear. This is not the case at all. I just want to get to know him better, but it seems that we both dont have a clue on how to start that. I need a push in the right direction...

Confused

Lately i have been so flipping confused about is happening in my life. I really want to be able to know what someone feels about me. So basically this is to continue my just wow blog.. I feel like again I'm still confused about what the hell is going on with us. I have been having bad dreams, some concerning you others concerning my family. but i had a dream about the fact that you wouldn't talk to me anymore. I don't know where that is coming from but hey its part of like. When i said something to you about it i got they reply i wanted and you told me that you where still talking to me and i shouldn't have bad dreams about that. Well it sucks still because i don't know what the hell is going on. I have talked to a few friends and they tell me to just take it easy and place it safe. To be honest i just want to scream. I hate being confused...just let me know how is on your mind. You want to get to know me then please just do it. Why are your nerves getting in the way of that. Does getting to know me mean that the next step is marriage. No its just getting to know me and then seeing if its something that you want to know even more about.
I bet this sounds like I'm just bitching, but this is how i feel... Liking you kinda hurts. Because i do like you, but am very much respecting your wishes to heal from before. I just like to be on the same page if anything else. I hate that I'm seriously letting this get to me. Even my roommate show me breakdown last night because I'm kinda confused and he know how much i hate that. Blah... whats going on?

Tamia - You put a move on my heart

[talking:]
baby i just want you to understand
just exactly how you make me feel

oooh yeah

i wanna feel you next to me

ooooh..... time after time, when im feelin low
somethin inside of me lets me know it's alright
loves on my side
when the world...seems a lonely place
i've got a dream that wont leave a trace of the blues
i just think of you baby i know

[chorus:]
ive got a real thing here by my side
someone who needs me holding me tight
and these special feelings wont ever fade
cause i knew from the start you put a move on my heart

baby our loves like a melody playing for us
in the sweetest key you could find the music of life
and when we touch theres the warmest glow
heat in the passion that heaven knows its a dream
just for you, you and me...and baby i know

[chorus:]
ive got a real thing the love of my life
someone who needs me and he feels me with pride
baby now, now and forever, we'll never part
cause you're the world to me you put a move on my heart

i got a real love yes i do, and you're someone baby
you're someone baby, someone that needs true love
and these, these special feelings, time can embrace
baby, believe me this aint a dream and suger
i knew, i knew from the start, you put a move on me
oooh you got through to my heart
you got through to my heart babe oooh

baby cant you see, you and i were meant to be
hold me, love me passionately blind, love me til the end of time
hold me, love me ( and dont love go)
baby cant you see, you and i were meant to be
(i want you to touch me babe) passionately blind
love me til the end of time, hold me love me oooh
(repeat til end of song)

i want you right here, right now, laying by my side sugar thrill me tonight
i wanna feel you in my arms ohh babe ohhh and u know i love when your lovin me

[talking:]
mm come closer
i wanna feel your body pressed against mine
mm thats right
ooh

Clay Akins - The Way

There's somethin' 'bout the way
You look tonight
There's somethin' 'bout the way that
I can't take my eyes off you

There's somethin' 'bout the way your lips invite
Maybe it's the way that I get nervous when you're around

And I want you to be mine
And if you need a reason why

It's in the way that you move me
And the way that you tease me
That way that I want you tonight

It's the way that you hold me
And the way that you know me
And when I can't find the right words to say
You feel it in the way
Oh, feel it in the way

Somethin' 'bout how you stay on my mind
There's somethin' 'bout the way that
I whisper your name when I'm asleep, oh, girl
Maybe it's the look you get in your eyes
Oh, baby, it's the way that it makes me feel to see you smile
And the reasons they may change
But what I'm feelin' stays the same

In the way that you move me
And the way that you tease me
The way that I want you tonight (tonight)

It's in the way that you know me
And when I can't find the right words to say
You feel it in the way
Oh, feel it in the way

I can't put my fingers on just what it is that make me
Love you, you, baby
So don't ask me to decribe
I get all choked up inside
Just thinkin' 'bout the way

It's in the way that (Oh) You move me
And the way that you tease me
The way that I want you tonight (tonight)

Oh (It's in the way that)
You hold me (the way you hold me, yeah)
And the way that
You know me (the way you know me)
When I can find the right words to say (Feel it in the)
It's in the way that you move me
And the way that you tease me (feelin')
The way-ay-ay-ay-ay (feel it in the way)

There's somethin' 'bout the way you look tonight
There's nothin' more to say than I feel it in the way

What am I thankful for?

Wow this time is here again, time to say some of the things I'm very thankful for in my life. So where do I start.. there just seems to be so much to be thankful for.

- Family
I am so thankful to have the greatest mother and sister in the world. Life would not be worth it if i didn't have them in my life. I really love these women they are the best

- Friends (Guys)

Bobby and Ryan.... you bitches are the best. When I'm around you i smile a lot, and i really don't do that a lot. I don't ever want to lose what we have as friends

- Friends (Girls)

Tina and Gerilyn.. i love you ladies to death... I am so happy that you are both in my life

- New Friends

Davis- I feel that you really care even though we have not known each other very long, thanks for being things

Tyler - You are a sweetheart and its great being around you and you positive energy..you the best

Roger - what can i say about you beside you are the sweetest man that i have met in a long time. i feel in my heart that something great will happen as we get to know each other better. I can't say what that is.. but i know its great.. I wont say how i really feel,(only a few choice people know what that is) but I'm really looking forward to what comes along. YOUr Great

- To my Crew
Mark, Ian, Ben,Brenda,Em, Jen, and the rest of the Purdue crew. i love you guys and i look forward to i friendships.

I'm very thankful truly for everything that has happen in my life this year. I thank god that I'm still alive and their are so many positive things going on in my life. Even though i don't show it a lot I do love my life and i look forward to everything that is happening and the future.

Thank you all for being apart of my life

Just Wow

So tonight didn't go the way it was suppose to...I am really confused about is going on right now. Plans to take a friend out to dinner just didn't happen. Its really disappointing but hey i understand truly why it happen. The reason i feel a little confused in because this person just ended something long term a few weeks ago. I truly understand why a person wouldn't want to get involved because of this previous breakup. But it we said that we are just going to try and get to know each other. Take thing slow.. and I'm down for that. because i think just like you do.. I'm fucking sick of people who are just looking to have a fling. To be honest I have done that before and it has brought me nothing but heartache. So I'm don't want that anymore. I want a relationship. i want someone who just want to hang out with me and i know that its something real... there are just to many people who don't want that and I do. I get really confused about how to interpret some of your words. Things like "i don't want to start something so soon" i understand that and i agree, but It confuses me because we said that we wanted to be friends get to know each other a little better. so does that means that you have possible feelings for me. if so just tell me please because I'm thinking one thing reading another. Its OK if you do please just let you let me know... I'm a really good guy and i think, no i know that you know that because you have told me. But i want to give the the respect and time you need to heal from your previous relationship. This may seems as if i am wearing my heart on my sleeve and that may be true. but i have never want to see a lot of my social future until now. Thanks to good people like you and my best friends's Bobby and Ryan. You have one of the biggiest heart i have seen in a while and i am not in any way trying to break that. I thank you bobby because you took it upon yourself to talk to someone for me to see what was going on, and explained to I'm a upstanding guy to get to know. And if i didnt think that you wanted to get to know me then you would have never came up to me to explain something that was said.

Again i know that you are scared and so am I, which is why we wanted to chill while getting each other. So don't please don't be nervous around me, and i will try my best not to be nervous around you. We have a lot in common and that scares us both more. OH MY GOD just let me where you head is because im so confused... but at the same time im not giving up. if its the last thing i do. No matter what I have to do

Elliot Yamin - Wait for you

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I’m missing you and I’m wishing you would come back through my door.
Ouuu..
Why did you have to go?
You could have let me know; so now I’m all alone.

Ouuuu.

You could have stayed but you wouldn’t give me a chance
With you not around it’s a little bit more than I can stand.
Ouuu..
And all my tears they keep runnin’ down my face.
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it’s a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

Refrain: So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you

Been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You gotta be feeling crazy
How can you walk away
(When) Everything stays the same
I just can’t do it baby

What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is and it just ain’t like that
Why can’t you look at me?
You’re still in love with me
Don’t leave me crying


Baby why can’t we just start all over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But you’re telling me it won’t be enough

Refrain: So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Rferain: Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it’s a lie what you’re keeping inside
That is not how you want it to be

Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it’s the last thing I do

Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Refrain: Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you
I’ll be waiting …

Mr. Ray

Bobby Bobby Bobby.. i really have to say in to short time that we have know each other has been great. You have been there for me and I never feel like i cant tell you thing that are going on in my life. I think about it a lot and I have to say that yes we are better of being friends, because know i would hate to lose you. I think that we both have the same stance on what it is to be a true friend. Someone who is there for you when you need them,and even if they don't answer when you want them to, they will when they check there phone next. I have a great time when I hang out with you. I feel that you accpet me for who I am truly. You seem to know when I am serious and when I'm being funny. So you have truly been great friend and I wouldn't give you up for the world. Even if I do move with in the next few months don't worry because you will know where I am. I truly love you to death as my friend and remember if you need anything I'm just a phone call away.

This Guy

So there is a guy that i like. and i am very drawn to him because he is a sweetheart. So i was able to join him and some friends last night for drink in order to get to know him. First it was very loud, but that was OK because we where actually having a nice conversation. But first a little background was that a couple of my friend and i were at the mall and we where talking about him and then all of a sudden there he was. Wow if you have never seen a black man blush, you should have been there as i couldn't even form a sentence. Even though he is just a person, i didn't know what to even say. But anyway, as we where sitting there talking we learn that I'm a lot younger than he is, which doesn't bother me or him (which he told me). As we continued to talk we found out that we have a lot in common, but is a good things, but again it really loud and we are trying to talk over the music and the people singing. Speaking of singing let me tell you that he can really since. I'm not just saying this because i believe that he is attractive and sweet. But he really can sing. At no point did we ever talk about us going out on a date or anything because we are trying to get to know each other. I also found out that he ended a relationship recently. Which just kinda broke my heart. Not to be selfish but I have been down this road because with someone and it didn't end up going well. But a last i at least got to know him a little. Even though i don't think he is wanting to jump into anything anytime soon, for some reason i don't plan on giving up on hanging out with him more. I plan to take him out to dinner, which i am swearing that its only as friends, i cant speak to the future.. but i would like to see him more.

It really sucks that i tend to fall for men that are way out of my league, but I like what i like. This guys is so sweet and kind, and not to mention very sexy, even though he is older than myself. I don't really care about age, i just wish that I could get a fair shot a lot. I really feel lonely in this world, even though I'm not trying to make people feel sorry for me, but i just want someone who want to have a true relationship. "I never go there to pick up anyone or to hookup, I like relationships" a direct quote from him. I totally agree with that statement. I want a relationship, why is it so hard to find that. And if there is a guy that i like and possibly want to get to know better he is usually no in the position where that is possible. It sucks but as is life. But with this one i guess i am not giving up very easy.. I dont think it will go anywhere but I will be able to say that i give it a true shot. I looking for a relationship truly I am, but dating is not out of the question and i can never have enough friends as long as they are true friends.

Long time coming

So its been a long time since i have been here and so much has happen. Things both good and not so good. So lets start with the good.. I have met so many people lately.. At lot of them i would like to get to know better.

Davis, is a random guy i met in Lafayette, while he was here on business. He is one of the sweetest guys that i have very came in contact with. He is very intelligent i can tell just from talking to him. I think he will be around as a friend for a long time. The reason for that is because I know he cares and he doesn't have any type of hidden agenda. So Davis i am very happy to have met you and we will be hanging out again real soon.

Roger is another guy that i met who is truly a sweetheart as well. I met sometime around Halloween, and once again last Saturday. Let me tell you that his man can sing, and very well i might add. He is also a good dancer. I was able to hang out with him, trying to get to know him and he is a very interesting fellow. Even though it was very loud where we were, i can still tell that there is a lot more to this guy.

Tyler... well what can i say about Tyler. Getting to know him has been great. It just goes to show you that you never can judge a book boy its cover. When i first came in contact with Tyler..i had some different thoughts going on in my head. But once you talk to him he is one the nicest guys that you can met. So down to earth and seems to be a very caring person. All i have to say is someone thinks that your special Tyler... and he wouldn't think that if it wasn't true.

I don't think i want to add any bad things to this blog, because it would sour the message that I'm trying to give, which is you never know where you will met people and how they will impact your life. I have to say that these three guys are all great in there own right, and I am very grateful and happy to have met all of you

Rehab -- by Rihanna

Baby baby
When we first met I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover and my best friend
All wrapped in one with a ribbon on it
And all of a sudden you went and left
I didn't know how to follow
It's like a shock that spun me around
And now my heart's dead
I feel so empty and hollow

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you
You don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame
And now I feel like....oh!

You're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what I get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door

Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed

It's like I checked into rehab
And baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
And baby, you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease

Damn, ain't it crazy when you're loveswept (?)
You'd do anything for the one you love
'Cause anytime that you needed me I'd be there
It's like you were my favorite drug
The only problem is that you was using me
In a different way than I was using you
But now that I know it's not meant to be
I gotta go, I gotta wean myself off of you

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you
You don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame
'Cause now I feel like....oh!

You're the reason why I'm thinking


I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what I get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door

Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed

It's like I checked into rehab
And baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
And baby, you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease

Now ladies gimme that...

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohohoh, oh, oh, ohh

Now gimme that...

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohohoh, oh, oh, ohh

My ladies gimme that...

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohohoh, oh, oh, ohh

Now gimme that...

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohohoh, oh, oh, ohh

Oh! You're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what I get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door

Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed

It's like I checked into rehab
And baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
And baby, you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease

The day

So today I woke up all early like usual, and started my day off the same way. i get up and turn on my tv, and I start to looking at my computer. I look at how much money I spend. Cheese and Rice i spend money like its going out of style. When I was in Ausitin I know I spent over 200 dollars. On what I really dont know but I have this thing call an addiction...and its to shopping. At the same time I dont even know what size I wear.. I feel like i stress myself out and I lose weight. The one day that I dont do that I blow up like a whale. It just reminds me of a friend that I had a long time ago. He would get stressed and go up and down in weight. I just want to go down. I have a plan... but somedays Im just do damn lazy to start it.
But when i was home I also realized how much joke i have in my room. I have this small closet but I have so much stuff. I need a bigger place. i really wish at this point that I knew where i was going to work so I could start looking for places. But before I do that I need more money. I have to pay my car note and then I will be broke for a bit. So I dont know how im going to swing that, I will think of something.

Grades

So my grades are not where I want them to be. Dont get my wrong i am passing every class as far as I know. I just dont wnat to not pass and not graduate.. that would be so horrible. I am just having a horrible few first weeks when it comes to my classes.. I know its my last semester, but I have to be able to graduate. I will this trip that I took was just want I needed. I met some really cool people and I reunited with a great friend who i love darely. It was really what i needed. So im back and I beleive that my head is straight and I ready to get this going. Graduation..here I come and... Target you are close behind. BOILER UP

Austin

Wow... i have to say that Austin was a great time. I went down there to visit one of my very good friends Ryan. I havent seen him since May... So thi was great to go down and see him. So the flight was great.. I had the chance to think about a lot of things that have been going on in my life. So i have only a few weeks left in college and I want and need to make the best of it. But anyway back to austin.. .get off the plane and I cant wait to see Ryan. When he gets there I get to meet his friends chad and david.... I have to say that they are cool people. They welcomed me with open arms like they have known me for a while. It was very nice because you never know how people will react to you. Then it was so nice to see Ryan, he looks the same..just as I remembered. He look more grown up and happy. it was great to see him. So what was the first time we did went straight to the bars. bars where really fun... i got to catch up a little with Ryan and learn a few more secerts lol.. and then get to know his friends more. By the end of the time we where a little drunk.. David took my phone becuase I was messing with it to much...He basically told me that we where having fun and no cell phones are allowed. Oh BTW ryan still looks at his cell every ten mins.. nothing has changed about that.
The rest of the trip was us catching up ..talking about new things and old things. I had a lot of fun..I was able to get closer on things that happen with us and I feel like i can move on. We actually had one of the longest talks every.. and it just brought up alot of old times at purdue.
Leaving was hard.. it was like may all over again. I actually teared up a little bit.. but that is what happens when you have a friend that you care about, and you are leaving that person. So again this was heard.. .but I have to say that its not a good boy its a see you soon...so Ryan I will see you soon.

Sick of being alone

So this is the first time that i have even written about what it is like to be alone. This is my biggest fear ever. I hate being alone. I have friends dont get me wrong but they can only do some much. I really want some one to be around me for a while. At the same time I have this wall up around me and I really dont like letting people in becuase all the do is disappoint you. What is a guy to do when you have a hard time trusting others. I guess I have to admitt that I must bitter about a lot of things that I have happened in my life. I dont knwo how to get rid of that and I think it just drives people away. I hate the fact that I cant seem to talk to people becuase Im really shy and i think that everyone is out of my league. I also get that we are better off friends things and that sucks as well. I just have problems with a lot of things going on in my life and I cant put my finger on how to handle each situation. But I must find a way to do so or I think its going to be the death of my and I am being very serious about this. So hopefully one day soon I will be about to just go out on a date and have a great time and feel good for once in my life.

Lost Friends

So lately I have been thinking that I have lost some of the friends that I so really really wanted to keep in my life. When i say lost i mean I just dont talk to them as much as I use to.. this really bothers me. For the most part they are busy I know that,but at the same time friendships are a suppose to be a 50 50 things. I feel like some of my friends have just left me behind, and it really hurts. For the most part I now that I was busy and always working, and for the most part I am still doing that. But this college life of mine is coming to an end and I dont want to lose those people tho have actually had a positive effect on my life. So if any of you are reading this.. i really do miss you and i dont want to end up not speaking. It really sucks I hate not having you around in my life. When i think about it there is a reason that we are all friends we click somehow.. and believe me it sucks when you click alone.

Just another day

Wow its just has been the craziest few weeks. I dont know which way is up and for the time being i dont know if that is a good thing or a bad one. I had a friend admit that they are interested in me as more than a friend, but I dont think that I am ready for that becuase of the age difference. I know that i say that age is nothing but a number but really that saying may not be true. When i think about what is going on in my life at this point and the future i dont believe that having this relationship would be good for any people involved. Wow what to do what to do