Sick of being alone

So this is the first time that i have even written about what it is like to be alone. This is my biggest fear ever. I hate being alone. I have friends dont get me wrong but they can only do some much. I really want some one to be around me for a while. At the same time I have this wall up around me and I really dont like letting people in becuase all the do is disappoint you. What is a guy to do when you have a hard time trusting others. I guess I have to admitt that I must bitter about a lot of things that I have happened in my life. I dont knwo how to get rid of that and I think it just drives people away. I hate the fact that I cant seem to talk to people becuase Im really shy and i think that everyone is out of my league. I also get that we are better off friends things and that sucks as well. I just have problems with a lot of things going on in my life and I cant put my finger on how to handle each situation. But I must find a way to do so or I think its going to be the death of my and I am being very serious about this. So hopefully one day soon I will be about to just go out on a date and have a great time and feel good for once in my life.