Whats going on

Today has been so different. I body is so different about everything. My mind is just not where it needs to be. I was just having dinner with a couple of friends and I felt as if i was so distance from them. I think i was apart of the conversation but I felt as if I just wanted to be alone. I get this way sometimes when i have about 10 things going on in my head and I'm trying to process them all out at once. Does that really work realistically. I don't think so. I have graduation on my mind (I am so scared about graduation, one because i have always thought that I was ready to be totally on my on, but really am I. I don't want to leave my friends because for the ones that are close I'm afraid that they wont come see me or call me if and once I leave. I just really scares me.) I really tired of working right now. i really feel that my body is trying to tell me that its done and it needs a lot of rest. I don't feel sick or anything but you know how to feel sluggish and all you just want to do is lay there. That is really how I feel.. I just want to lay there. Third, I'm not confused about the guy anymore. which is a good thing, but i feel like i want things to move faster. That is what my head wants to happen, but my heart wants to take the time and learn more about this person. I'm really scared to tell him that I'm about to graduate and possibly leave this town because I don't want him to stop whatever is possible whether it be friends or more than friends. AWWW what to do what to do because i really want to just find him and tell him that i think about him a lot, but i really don't know him that well. So in real life it sounds like i am after him for sex because that is what people do when they want sex, you say what you think they want to hear. This is not the case at all. I just want to get to know him better, but it seems that we both dont have a clue on how to start that. I need a push in the right direction...

Confused

Lately i have been so flipping confused about is happening in my life. I really want to be able to know what someone feels about me. So basically this is to continue my just wow blog.. I feel like again I'm still confused about what the hell is going on with us. I have been having bad dreams, some concerning you others concerning my family. but i had a dream about the fact that you wouldn't talk to me anymore. I don't know where that is coming from but hey its part of like. When i said something to you about it i got they reply i wanted and you told me that you where still talking to me and i shouldn't have bad dreams about that. Well it sucks still because i don't know what the hell is going on. I have talked to a few friends and they tell me to just take it easy and place it safe. To be honest i just want to scream. I hate being confused...just let me know how is on your mind. You want to get to know me then please just do it. Why are your nerves getting in the way of that. Does getting to know me mean that the next step is marriage. No its just getting to know me and then seeing if its something that you want to know even more about.
I bet this sounds like I'm just bitching, but this is how i feel... Liking you kinda hurts. Because i do like you, but am very much respecting your wishes to heal from before. I just like to be on the same page if anything else. I hate that I'm seriously letting this get to me. Even my roommate show me breakdown last night because I'm kinda confused and he know how much i hate that. Blah... whats going on?

Tamia - You put a move on my heart

[talking:]
baby i just want you to understand
just exactly how you make me feel

oooh yeah

i wanna feel you next to me

ooooh..... time after time, when im feelin low
somethin inside of me lets me know it's alright
loves on my side
when the world...seems a lonely place
i've got a dream that wont leave a trace of the blues
i just think of you baby i know

[chorus:]
ive got a real thing here by my side
someone who needs me holding me tight
and these special feelings wont ever fade
cause i knew from the start you put a move on my heart

baby our loves like a melody playing for us
in the sweetest key you could find the music of life
and when we touch theres the warmest glow
heat in the passion that heaven knows its a dream
just for you, you and me...and baby i know

[chorus:]
ive got a real thing the love of my life
someone who needs me and he feels me with pride
baby now, now and forever, we'll never part
cause you're the world to me you put a move on my heart

i got a real love yes i do, and you're someone baby
you're someone baby, someone that needs true love
and these, these special feelings, time can embrace
baby, believe me this aint a dream and suger
i knew, i knew from the start, you put a move on me
oooh you got through to my heart
you got through to my heart babe oooh

baby cant you see, you and i were meant to be
hold me, love me passionately blind, love me til the end of time
hold me, love me ( and dont love go)
baby cant you see, you and i were meant to be
(i want you to touch me babe) passionately blind
love me til the end of time, hold me love me oooh
(repeat til end of song)

i want you right here, right now, laying by my side sugar thrill me tonight
i wanna feel you in my arms ohh babe ohhh and u know i love when your lovin me

[talking:]
mm come closer
i wanna feel your body pressed against mine
mm thats right
ooh

Clay Akins - The Way

There's somethin' 'bout the way
You look tonight
There's somethin' 'bout the way that
I can't take my eyes off you

There's somethin' 'bout the way your lips invite
Maybe it's the way that I get nervous when you're around

And I want you to be mine
And if you need a reason why

It's in the way that you move me
And the way that you tease me
That way that I want you tonight

It's the way that you hold me
And the way that you know me
And when I can't find the right words to say
You feel it in the way
Oh, feel it in the way

Somethin' 'bout how you stay on my mind
There's somethin' 'bout the way that
I whisper your name when I'm asleep, oh, girl
Maybe it's the look you get in your eyes
Oh, baby, it's the way that it makes me feel to see you smile
And the reasons they may change
But what I'm feelin' stays the same

In the way that you move me
And the way that you tease me
The way that I want you tonight (tonight)

It's in the way that you know me
And when I can't find the right words to say
You feel it in the way
Oh, feel it in the way

I can't put my fingers on just what it is that make me
Love you, you, baby
So don't ask me to decribe
I get all choked up inside
Just thinkin' 'bout the way

It's in the way that (Oh) You move me
And the way that you tease me
The way that I want you tonight (tonight)

Oh (It's in the way that)
You hold me (the way you hold me, yeah)
And the way that
You know me (the way you know me)
When I can find the right words to say (Feel it in the)
It's in the way that you move me
And the way that you tease me (feelin')
The way-ay-ay-ay-ay (feel it in the way)

There's somethin' 'bout the way you look tonight
There's nothin' more to say than I feel it in the way

What am I thankful for?

Wow this time is here again, time to say some of the things I'm very thankful for in my life. So where do I start.. there just seems to be so much to be thankful for.

- Family
I am so thankful to have the greatest mother and sister in the world. Life would not be worth it if i didn't have them in my life. I really love these women they are the best

- Friends (Guys)

Bobby and Ryan.... you bitches are the best. When I'm around you i smile a lot, and i really don't do that a lot. I don't ever want to lose what we have as friends

- Friends (Girls)

Tina and Gerilyn.. i love you ladies to death... I am so happy that you are both in my life

- New Friends

Davis- I feel that you really care even though we have not known each other very long, thanks for being things

Tyler - You are a sweetheart and its great being around you and you positive energy..you the best

Roger - what can i say about you beside you are the sweetest man that i have met in a long time. i feel in my heart that something great will happen as we get to know each other better. I can't say what that is.. but i know its great.. I wont say how i really feel,(only a few choice people know what that is) but I'm really looking forward to what comes along. YOUr Great

- To my Crew
Mark, Ian, Ben,Brenda,Em, Jen, and the rest of the Purdue crew. i love you guys and i look forward to i friendships.

I'm very thankful truly for everything that has happen in my life this year. I thank god that I'm still alive and their are so many positive things going on in my life. Even though i don't show it a lot I do love my life and i look forward to everything that is happening and the future.

Thank you all for being apart of my life

Just Wow

So tonight didn't go the way it was suppose to...I am really confused about is going on right now. Plans to take a friend out to dinner just didn't happen. Its really disappointing but hey i understand truly why it happen. The reason i feel a little confused in because this person just ended something long term a few weeks ago. I truly understand why a person wouldn't want to get involved because of this previous breakup. But it we said that we are just going to try and get to know each other. Take thing slow.. and I'm down for that. because i think just like you do.. I'm fucking sick of people who are just looking to have a fling. To be honest I have done that before and it has brought me nothing but heartache. So I'm don't want that anymore. I want a relationship. i want someone who just want to hang out with me and i know that its something real... there are just to many people who don't want that and I do. I get really confused about how to interpret some of your words. Things like "i don't want to start something so soon" i understand that and i agree, but It confuses me because we said that we wanted to be friends get to know each other a little better. so does that means that you have possible feelings for me. if so just tell me please because I'm thinking one thing reading another. Its OK if you do please just let you let me know... I'm a really good guy and i think, no i know that you know that because you have told me. But i want to give the the respect and time you need to heal from your previous relationship. This may seems as if i am wearing my heart on my sleeve and that may be true. but i have never want to see a lot of my social future until now. Thanks to good people like you and my best friends's Bobby and Ryan. You have one of the biggiest heart i have seen in a while and i am not in any way trying to break that. I thank you bobby because you took it upon yourself to talk to someone for me to see what was going on, and explained to I'm a upstanding guy to get to know. And if i didnt think that you wanted to get to know me then you would have never came up to me to explain something that was said.

Again i know that you are scared and so am I, which is why we wanted to chill while getting each other. So don't please don't be nervous around me, and i will try my best not to be nervous around you. We have a lot in common and that scares us both more. OH MY GOD just let me where you head is because im so confused... but at the same time im not giving up. if its the last thing i do. No matter what I have to do

Elliot Yamin - Wait for you

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I’m missing you and I’m wishing you would come back through my door.
Ouuu..
Why did you have to go?
You could have let me know; so now I’m all alone.

Ouuuu.

You could have stayed but you wouldn’t give me a chance
With you not around it’s a little bit more than I can stand.
Ouuu..
And all my tears they keep runnin’ down my face.
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it’s a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

Refrain: So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you

Been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You gotta be feeling crazy
How can you walk away
(When) Everything stays the same
I just can’t do it baby

What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is and it just ain’t like that
Why can’t you look at me?
You’re still in love with me
Don’t leave me crying


Baby why can’t we just start all over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But you’re telling me it won’t be enough

Refrain: So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Rferain: Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it’s a lie what you’re keeping inside
That is not how you want it to be

Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it’s the last thing I do

Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Refrain: Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you
I’ll be waiting …

Mr. Ray

Bobby Bobby Bobby.. i really have to say in to short time that we have know each other has been great. You have been there for me and I never feel like i cant tell you thing that are going on in my life. I think about it a lot and I have to say that yes we are better of being friends, because know i would hate to lose you. I think that we both have the same stance on what it is to be a true friend. Someone who is there for you when you need them,and even if they don't answer when you want them to, they will when they check there phone next. I have a great time when I hang out with you. I feel that you accpet me for who I am truly. You seem to know when I am serious and when I'm being funny. So you have truly been great friend and I wouldn't give you up for the world. Even if I do move with in the next few months don't worry because you will know where I am. I truly love you to death as my friend and remember if you need anything I'm just a phone call away.

This Guy

So there is a guy that i like. and i am very drawn to him because he is a sweetheart. So i was able to join him and some friends last night for drink in order to get to know him. First it was very loud, but that was OK because we where actually having a nice conversation. But first a little background was that a couple of my friend and i were at the mall and we where talking about him and then all of a sudden there he was. Wow if you have never seen a black man blush, you should have been there as i couldn't even form a sentence. Even though he is just a person, i didn't know what to even say. But anyway, as we where sitting there talking we learn that I'm a lot younger than he is, which doesn't bother me or him (which he told me). As we continued to talk we found out that we have a lot in common, but is a good things, but again it really loud and we are trying to talk over the music and the people singing. Speaking of singing let me tell you that he can really since. I'm not just saying this because i believe that he is attractive and sweet. But he really can sing. At no point did we ever talk about us going out on a date or anything because we are trying to get to know each other. I also found out that he ended a relationship recently. Which just kinda broke my heart. Not to be selfish but I have been down this road because with someone and it didn't end up going well. But a last i at least got to know him a little. Even though i don't think he is wanting to jump into anything anytime soon, for some reason i don't plan on giving up on hanging out with him more. I plan to take him out to dinner, which i am swearing that its only as friends, i cant speak to the future.. but i would like to see him more.

It really sucks that i tend to fall for men that are way out of my league, but I like what i like. This guys is so sweet and kind, and not to mention very sexy, even though he is older than myself. I don't really care about age, i just wish that I could get a fair shot a lot. I really feel lonely in this world, even though I'm not trying to make people feel sorry for me, but i just want someone who want to have a true relationship. "I never go there to pick up anyone or to hookup, I like relationships" a direct quote from him. I totally agree with that statement. I want a relationship, why is it so hard to find that. And if there is a guy that i like and possibly want to get to know better he is usually no in the position where that is possible. It sucks but as is life. But with this one i guess i am not giving up very easy.. I dont think it will go anywhere but I will be able to say that i give it a true shot. I looking for a relationship truly I am, but dating is not out of the question and i can never have enough friends as long as they are true friends.

Long time coming

So its been a long time since i have been here and so much has happen. Things both good and not so good. So lets start with the good.. I have met so many people lately.. At lot of them i would like to get to know better.

Davis, is a random guy i met in Lafayette, while he was here on business. He is one of the sweetest guys that i have very came in contact with. He is very intelligent i can tell just from talking to him. I think he will be around as a friend for a long time. The reason for that is because I know he cares and he doesn't have any type of hidden agenda. So Davis i am very happy to have met you and we will be hanging out again real soon.

Roger is another guy that i met who is truly a sweetheart as well. I met sometime around Halloween, and once again last Saturday. Let me tell you that his man can sing, and very well i might add. He is also a good dancer. I was able to hang out with him, trying to get to know him and he is a very interesting fellow. Even though it was very loud where we were, i can still tell that there is a lot more to this guy.

Tyler... well what can i say about Tyler. Getting to know him has been great. It just goes to show you that you never can judge a book boy its cover. When i first came in contact with Tyler..i had some different thoughts going on in my head. But once you talk to him he is one the nicest guys that you can met. So down to earth and seems to be a very caring person. All i have to say is someone thinks that your special Tyler... and he wouldn't think that if it wasn't true.

I don't think i want to add any bad things to this blog, because it would sour the message that I'm trying to give, which is you never know where you will met people and how they will impact your life. I have to say that these three guys are all great in there own right, and I am very grateful and happy to have met all of you