Wow its been three years, and really nothing has changed for me in life. I meet a lot of guys in the last year, but nothing seems to last. I am at the point now were I think that the issues I have are more. I care to fast, and now I know that I should go with my gut feelings.
The truth is I know when you are lying people. that the best part of me. the worst part is that one, I always want to prove it so I can hold it against you, second I need know when to just quit and let things fall by the waist side. I seems to fall for the most stupid of men. Then I seem to be the one always hurt. Why is that? Maybe Debbie is right, I need to find someone on my level. I seem to drop my standards just because I think your are attractive to me. Their goes my self esteem again.
The last couple of guys that I have dated, why its been a ride of crazy. Mostly led by me and my inpatients. One issues that I have is people think I'm a stalker. I'm not honestly. I just put myself in situation where it seems that way. I could see if I did it on a daily basis and you needed to call the cops on me. Once, I don't think its being a stalker. Maybe I'm wrong, that's their opinion. All I can say is that im sorry for what I did. If you forgive me great. Good for you.. if not then thats ok as well.
Im tired of where i live. I hate it actually. I am so really to leave lafayette, in. My history here has been in my opinion horrible. Love life, social life, friends.. Its just been shitty. I find that no one is able to speak their minds and tell others how they really feel when its nessacary. If you think that trying to spare my feelings is the best then for me then you dont know me very well. Honestly if I have big of an issue with you as a person, I will let you know. Sometimes i like a lot of things eat at me, but when the time is right I will let you know. For me sometimes that is way too late. I need to start listening to myself when i get that first gut feeling.
But back to lafayette. I really hate this place and I want out. I am hoping that tomorrow will bring something much better for me. I have a chance to return home or close to home. I never said that I wouldnt return back to saint louis, but at this point its time. I miss some of my family. I have burned a lot of bridges, by not talking to people. At the same time people have done the same to me. No one wants to admitt when they are wrong, but I am going to be the bigger person.
I miss truly what it is to have friends. I honestly have one that I believe is try, and thats Jim. At time same time I want to have more fun. I miss my college family. I wish that at some point I could relive my college years, I would do more with my life. I would do more with my friends. I would have more parties. I would have most likely gotten drunk more. Now I cant have that time back. Mark and I dont talk much anymore. Ian is married with kids. Brenda has a baby, BAS while honestly I have no clue where they are. Rob is getting married. Brett is gone. I guess its just a time for me to bounce out. I dont think anyone would miss me.
Social, im not ready to date anyone. I have some real changing I have to do. I need to be happy with Kelvin, and im not. I hate my body, and I tend to fall for the guy that does you are so sexy. Um that should be the first red flag for me.
More on what my social life if all about
