Sick of being alone

So this is the first time that i have even written about what it is like to be alone. This is my biggest fear ever. I hate being alone. I have friends dont get me wrong but they can only do some much. I really want some one to be around me for a while. At the same time I have this wall up around me and I really dont like letting people in becuase all the do is disappoint you. What is a guy to do when you have a hard time trusting others. I guess I have to admitt that I must bitter about a lot of things that I have happened in my life. I dont knwo how to get rid of that and I think it just drives people away. I hate the fact that I cant seem to talk to people becuase Im really shy and i think that everyone is out of my league. I also get that we are better off friends things and that sucks as well. I just have problems with a lot of things going on in my life and I cant put my finger on how to handle each situation. But I must find a way to do so or I think its going to be the death of my and I am being very serious about this. So hopefully one day soon I will be about to just go out on a date and have a great time and feel good for once in my life.

Lost Friends

So lately I have been thinking that I have lost some of the friends that I so really really wanted to keep in my life. When i say lost i mean I just dont talk to them as much as I use to.. this really bothers me. For the most part they are busy I know that,but at the same time friendships are a suppose to be a 50 50 things. I feel like some of my friends have just left me behind, and it really hurts. For the most part I now that I was busy and always working, and for the most part I am still doing that. But this college life of mine is coming to an end and I dont want to lose those people tho have actually had a positive effect on my life. So if any of you are reading this.. i really do miss you and i dont want to end up not speaking. It really sucks I hate not having you around in my life. When i think about it there is a reason that we are all friends we click somehow.. and believe me it sucks when you click alone.

Just another day

Wow its just has been the craziest few weeks. I dont know which way is up and for the time being i dont know if that is a good thing or a bad one. I had a friend admit that they are interested in me as more than a friend, but I dont think that I am ready for that becuase of the age difference. I know that i say that age is nothing but a number but really that saying may not be true. When i think about what is going on in my life at this point and the future i dont believe that having this relationship would be good for any people involved. Wow what to do what to do