BLAH

So its about noon on Friday and I'm just in my own little world. I have to work today, and i get to close.. I actually love to close.. it just shows me whats i have to work on. Lately I have been a little bit depressed. OK more than a little. First off I just want to be done with some people. I pride myself on being a good friend, but there are some people in my life that really just piss me off. I know that I'm not the best at getting together with people. But i try. So my deal is if you say that you are doing to do something then please just do it. Awwww. i just wanted people to be real... cause i hate the fake bitches.

I want someone in my life. I know that people say that you will find someone when you are not looking.. But lets be honest when is a person not looking. In what aspect are we talking about not looking. Not looking for love or what... I bothers me sometimes when people say that because I don't know think that they really understand what is coming out of their mouths. I am looking for sometime more than physical sexual relationships and for some reason i can never seem to find these. The people that i come into contact with, i think are so nice and sweet, and then i start being too nice. I tend to send flowers and shit, but really whats wrong with that. I'M not telling them that i want to have their babies.. I'm just saying hi your cute would you like to hang out. I don't expect anything out of them. AWW.. I am not an asshole by nature. So whats wrong with me.

Personally I'm not really happy with my body..I consider myself basically fat. IS there something i can do about it yes. I could exercise, and i could watch what it is that I went. I could eat better. It really not hard, but I don't have the mind set to do anything but bitch about it. Is that going to solve anything for me, not really. Sometimes i wish i could be more like Jim. even though he talks about himself a lot. he actually has the body that i would like to start to have. I know I'm a little jealous of my friend. I just need to get some self esteem. But how to you do that. I just feel like i am attracted to stupid people. And once i see them i just feel as if i need to do things for them. I feel that i need to look a certain way for me to be with them. I dont think about myself, all i think about is them. Tell me if there is someone out there who doesnt want a nice guy. I really want to find that. But i wont keep my fingers crossed.