Merry Christmas

So i hope that everyone is having a merry Christmas. This is the second year that i have spent this Holiday alone. Please forgive me this is not a bitch session, but hey its how it feels. Although its not my choice to be alone its just the way the cards fall. I would love to have my mother and sister here in Lafayette, with me. To be honest i just left home and i want them to move closer to me. Even though i haven't talked with my mom about certain things in my life, i still need her and i want her closer to me. Its one of the things that would have made this day just perfect.. There are very few people in this world who can make me smile, but my mother has always been one of them.

At the same time I miss bobby...I haven't seen him in a week and its been hard. Talking to him on the phone is not that same at all. Its nice to have someone who you can talk to about anything and know that he is not going to judge you on how you feel. I know he is going to be in my life for a while... love him too much as my friend to let him go.

I miss Ryan too.... WTF man why do you have to live in Texas. Recently we have been talking a lot more. Its weird because when he was a student here..we never really talked and he didn't call me at all. But now I talk to him around once a week. its great he truly makes me laugh, and love life really.. Just like Bobby he is someone i can talk to about anything and not be judge. If i could just get these two in the same state life for me would so much better. I know that sounds selfish but guess what i don't care anymore...lol

SHOUT out to TINA... i love you to death sweetie. This girls is the best ever.. I am so lucky to have her as a part of my life. I know she will always be there for me.

Cant end with out talking about the mystery man.. Although to all that are important his name is not a mystery anymore. Right now we are playing phone tag, and its merry christmas and its time to send with your family so i have not bothered to say anything to him today. My heart is starting to speak loudly to me and its all good things. but i have some issues with trust that I must deal with. There is someone else in my life who has made me not trust people in my life and since he is man, i have some how made to way to distrust all men. Believe me I'm trying hard very hard to trust this guy, and its going to take time and i know he is feeling the same way since he has expressed his issues with trust to me before. i don't know what is going to happen, but i feel that its all going to be good.

i guess i will just have to take life one day at a time, which is not they way I operate. . I take life two to four days a time. So this is very hard for me. because i want to rush and rush... i don't know if i have death wish or not.. but why am i trying to wish through my life. I don't want to get too old too soon. I just graduated from college and I'm excited. but I know that is missing finally and I'm hopefully going to find what i have been looking for in my life for a love time. Someone that cares for me, and will expect me for the person that i am...

Merry Christmas